Coming Soon to a Mailbox Near You

December 31, 2008 at 1:39 AM (Family Life, Help Me Please, Honey, Idioms, Laura Ingalls Wilder, The Ab-Cat)

I am thisclose to a very important day. It is a date that I have not managed to make for the last 3 years. Not for lack of trying. It was due to lack of picture/letter.

My Christmas cards are done!!!!!!!

014

Not much in my year causes me such great mental and technological angst. It reaffirms my procrastination skills, AND my lack of computer skills.

The first thing I do to start the whole process is easy. At the after Christmas 1/2 off sales,  I buy the paper and envelopes for the letter. This is simple, as I like to shop and  like to  have things on hand. A good bargain is also near and dear to my heart. I already have my next 2-3 years of stationary, because I am just that efficient.

The second thing is hard. I start off all cocky, because I mistakenly think that I have the whole year to accomplish it. I am almost always wrong. #2 on the list is, I have to get the picture. Usually of just the children, this year, I included Honey and I. Always a challenge, always hard to please everyone.

The third thing is moderately difficult. I don’t usually have a  problem writing the Christmas letter. I write it on paper, long hand. Just like Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote all of her classic children’s novels. She wrote them in lined paper notebooks she purchased for a nickel. Mine were 10 cents from Target. Just a fun fact to share with your friends.   One of the very few ways that I have actually emulated The Prairie Girl. It’s been a while since I slipped the Ingalls into a post. I heart The Ingalls.

The problem with #3 is, I am not a strong typer. I usually ask The Ab-Cat to do this for me. But she doesn’t usually want to. Because she thinks that Christmas letters are stupid and a waste of Earth’s valuable resources. So I am held hostage a little bit, waiting until I have a super good reason to twist her tail into doing me a favor.   

I also have NO IDEA how to get the words on the actual paper, around all of the dang holiday artwork. If I could get this bug worked out, I think I could type my own letter. Because my typing skillz have greatly improved this year, due to the extensive amount of “blobbing” I have done.   I have mastered ye olde hunt and peck.

Number four has never been a problem in the past. Actually getting the pictures from Sam’s. But, just for fun, we had to shake things up this year. We did it online. We  finally got that straightened out, and I picked them up yesterday afternoon. I was mildly disappointed. They said it needed to be cropped. I thought they would crop it evenly. That was far too much to hope for. They chopped from the bottom only, so The Girls and I are looking slightly like disembodied floating heads. At this point, my “give a durn is busted”,  and they are going out. GO-ING OUT!

Fifthly, and lastly, is taking the MASTERPIECE to the friendly neighborhood Office Max to get the copies made.  This whole process was so annoying. Our paper had these dumb swirls to work around, and they weren’t even the same on the top as they were on the bottom. So by putting the bottom on top, it didn’t cut anything off. Which I painstakingly explained to the copy person at the store.

 YES, I had to ask for help, cause I can’t remember how to use the copy machine from year to year.  Give me a break!   BUT, she SO unhelpfully forgot to remind me, that my copy needed to be on plain white paper, not the annoying snowflake paper. It’s a good thing that I made 1 test copy, or I would have pulled my hair out, in one fell swoop, right there in the store.

As it was, the words overlapped the colors a bit. But, guess what?  I.DO. NOT.CARE.

 I then had to have The Ab-Cat do me another favor. I could probably have done this myself, but it’s in her computer. I lose.

I am SO ready to mail these. And it’s all in the nick of time. It would seem that our Christmas card traffic was down this year, and that was my fear. That people would write us off. It has been 3 years.

There were not nearly as many of the  funny, newsy, informative updates that I have come to love. Maybe people were just not in the mood, or didn’t get their acts together. It’s not like I could say anything about that.

There could still be some stragglers coming in after New Years as well. Like mine will be.

 But HEY! If I get them in the mail tomorrow, New Years Eve, I will have made my own personal goal. If you will recall, it was between Christmas and New Years. I am more than satisfied.

I have to say it again.

MY CHRISTMAS CARDS ARE DONE!!!!!!!

That feels so good. :)

5 Comments

Search Engine Again

July 18, 2008 at 8:56 PM (Idioms, Whatever)

I’m sorry, but I have to comment on this again.

I am getting a TON of traffic lately being directed to the post “Miss Mousey Gets a Haircut”. All manner of words involved. Hair, cut, haircut, mousey hair, little girl haircuts, haircut story and on and on.

So much traffic, that this post has moved way up in the list of all time most hits.

Still getting a lot for idioms and Honey and his wandering eye story is still a European cult classic.

I had one the other day though that has me completely baffled.  A single word. I am quite certain that I have not had this word on the blog. The word was “butt”. I am puzzled.

And who would Google that  anyway?

Leave a Comment

What the Search Engine Sent Me

June 24, 2008 at 9:14 AM (Honey, Idioms, Whatever)

On most days, there are a few unsuspecting folk that are referred to the “blob” from Googled phrases. All that is neccesary is to have one of those words in a post, and hello, they send you on over here.

Some of the terms have been simple, “Homegoods, Marshalls and T.J. Maxx”, “New Smyrna Beach”, “Herbst appliance”, and lots  of references to whining of any kind. Whether it be children, husbands or dogs.

Then there the ones that surprise me. Like “dog sickness from eating dead rabbits”. Who knew that had happened to others as well?

Displaying seashells is another one that has brought me an inordinate amount of traffic.

The one that is the most consistent is idioms. And for some reason, they are almost all from Europe. I guess we Americans baffle them with our slang.

But the one that has me most puzzled is the post about our family’s experience having our picture taken. You remember, the one about Honey and his Marty Feldman-like wandering eye? It’s had hits from all over Europe, Asia and Africa. And I’m not sure what word was the attraction. But evidently it has it’s own cult following.

 And that quite amuses me!

 

Leave a Comment

New Pretty

March 8, 2008 at 8:08 PM (Family Life, Idioms, Pretty Things)

004.jpg

I had wanted to get a new candle holder for our powder room. I had one that was a Christmas gift from my friend, Barbara Payne, that I loved. Unfortunately, candles don’t last forever and it is now gone. I had also bought a little jar for seashells that the Girls and I collected on our visit to Naples last Easter. We were at Ummel Bob’s and More Ummel Bob’s place, and that place  was very lovely to behold. And they have since sold it. Anyway,  it was there that I borrowed  the idea of displaying seashells .  Cause my Aunt has clever ideas like that.  And it was a fond memory. So, my problem with the candle and the jar for the shells ? They were the exact same size, and it bothered me. I should have bought a taller jar,  and it should have had a lid, cause our shells were getting dusty. But I hadn’t thought of that at the time.

Then, while shopping at Michael’s, I saw this cool thing. And it solved ALL my candle holding-seashell displaying problems in one fell swoop!

 Sorry, but I have to go off on a rabbit trail here. As I wrote that last sentence and saw the idiom “one fell swoop” , I had to ask myself , was that a real  idiom?  Or something that was made up? That no one in the real world would have a clue about. Because when you really look at it, it makes no sense whatsoever. And that is my gift you know, using words and phrases that I have picked up from from somewhere.  And while innately understanding what they mean, I can’t explain  it. So I went and got my book “Dictionary of Idioms, more than 600 phrases, sayings and expressions” (you think I’m pulling your tail don’t you? Well, I’m not ) to check. And it WASN”T in there! Well, then I got worried. So I googled that phrase, and much to my relief , I’m here to tell you that, YES, it is a real line, and they went through this long, boring explanation of where it came from.  13th century, William Shakespeare, red wing hawk, blah, blah, blah. But what it MEANS is “swiftly, all in one movement”  Which is what I had thought all along.

So I happily purchased my find for $8.99, minus my 40% off coupon that they so thoughtfully give us customers for one non-sale item every week, for a grand total of $5.71. I thought I would have a candle for it at home, but of course I didn’t. So on my other trip out, to Target, to see my close personal friends at the Pharmacy, I picked up a new candle for $3.99. They had an adorable one the right size that was rolled in SAND! Would that not have been perfect??? Unfortunately it had a truly heinous  smell and was not really considered. 

So it had its debut last night at Caregroup. I personally  thought it was the star of the evening.

8 Comments

Ins and ‘Isms # 1

March 3, 2008 at 7:02 AM (Family Life, Idioms, In's and Ism's, Whatever)

Now I know you have all been waiting on the edge of your seats for this post since I mentioned it several posts ago. You remember, the one about chickens making bad house pets? Oh, you were hoping I was going to forget about that? Well, you were wrong and here, my Friends, is just the tip of that iceberg.

One Sunday when we were first dating, Honey joined me and my Homegirls (Suzie and Dawn, who I’m sure will at some point make a post) at church. Now we grew up in a BIG ole Southern Baptist church. And considering how far North we live, it may have been unusual to hear all those Southern people talkin’. But the Homegirls and I all have a rich heritage in the southland. I am certain all of our grandparents were from “down yonder” (ism # 1, can also be over yonder, up yonder, ect.). The Pastor at this time was a long tall drink of water , who I believe came from Texas, named A.V. Henderson. He made the comment that it was very hot outside and he was “as dry as a bugs hull” (ism # 2). Now Honey  leaned over to me at this point and said, “What did he say???” Honey is from even further north than we are, CANADA, and when I explained, he thought it was hilarious. To this day, when he is thirsty, that is what he says.

 Another Honey- ism is when he is hungry, he says (ism # 3) “I need a jelly roll” , and you have to say it with an Elvis accent. We were listening to Rick Dees Top (insert number here, I don’t actually remember) Countdown one Sunday getting ready for church. It must have been 20 years ago, cause it was when we lived in Redford. And he (Rick Dees, not Honey) was doing this funny skit about Elvis and how he ate some pretty weird things, and evidently ate ALL the time. I can’t recall one other thing about it, except the previously mentioned line, but it has  been a well used  line over the years.

Which brings us to ism #4, that I actually stole from Mrs. Schmenkman. Since she is a Northerner, transplanted  in the South, and her people are not actually from down yonder , she hears things that are funny to her. And when she is getting hungry, she says she is getting “peckish“. Now I had heard this expression, but had never incorporated it into my vocabulary until I heard her use it . For some reason, in the 21st century, this word strikes me as funny!

And lastly, before the addition of the  previous ism peckish , my favorite way of expressing hunger was the old tried and true ” I could eat a bear without salt” (ism # 5). Which is obviously  WAY beyond peckish anyway. So it is still used.

And that is all I’ve got to say about that-Forrest Gump.

1 Comment