Random Humor

December 3, 2009 at 7:06 AM (Around Our House, Family Life, Honey, In's and Ism's, Our Boy)

I don’t really have anything to tell you Guys. Nothing noteworthy.

But I have been thinking about some random phrases I have heard floating around our house lately.

I’m going to punch you in the tooth. - From The Office

I’m going to kick you in the beak. -From some comedy show The Boy watched.

I’m going to bite you in the wrist. - Honey

What is going on here?

They all make me laugh.

I believe I mentioned that we watched “Elf” last weekend. So those quotes have been floating around as well. Last night, The Ab-Cat asked me the four food groups. That was easy. Candy, candy canes, candy corn and maple syrup. I think I have told each of the kids “I saw a dog today”. And Honey and I have been singing to each other in a very high voice “I love you, I love you, I love you Dad”. Whenever any of us hear the word Santa, any one of us will randomly squeal, “Santa? I KNOW him”.

Have a Humorous Thursday. It’s the best kind to have.

3 Comments

The Boys Contribution to The N.H.D. (Nut Hatch Dictionary)

September 10, 2009 at 6:18 AM (In's and Ism's, Nut Hatch Dictionary, Our Boy)

 Hey Guy’s! Guess What? The NutHatch Dictionary is up and running! There are only a few words and phrases in it so far, but I will be sure to alert you when I add more to it. I know, you are on the very edges of your seats!

Look over there on the left, under pages, and BAMBO! there it is!

The Boy has offered to contribute the first  phrase in a post. Bless his little pea pickin’heart. You all have a great Thursday!

After many years, my mother has switched the duties of the parent and the son around. The norm is that the parent will tuck  the child in bed at night. That’s the way we always did it. Since  my mom now goes to bed with the pumpkins, and I am such a night owl, I usually tuck her in, or come in her room for some reason after she has gone to bed. I come in her room to the sight of her reading, watching right wing news stations, or the Discovery Health Channel, and sometimes, if  she’s in a crazy mood, she will watch animal cop shows.

The phrase I am contributing is, “Pull the door to”.

Now, from the look of it, it makes no sense, but from the beginning of time I have known what to do and exactly what it means. One night, I picked up on the nonsensical nature of the  Hatch phrase, and questioned my mother. Her response was “I’ve just always heard it” which is another typical response to the questioning of our unusual vocabulary. 

Now the definition of this phrase is, swing the door all the way to the frame without actually shutting it, so the kitty’s can get out. This is because if a kitty gets locked in her room, which she always has all three in her room at night, and that kitty has some business to take care of  elsewhere, it will howl incessantly to get out, waking my dear, sweet, mother. To respond to my mothers request, I would sarcastically say, “Pull the door to where?”

After awhile, I stopped questioning my mother’s requests and did my duty.

Sincerely, The Boy

9 Comments

Delicious!

January 20, 2009 at 6:42 PM (Friends, In's and Ism's, Pretty Things, Television)

Capri Deb is a very talented Gal. She makes things. Many, many kinds of things. The last time she was over, she had on a scarf that I just loved. So, I wanted to do what I do best. Copy it. She then posted on her blog other scarves that she had been making here. They were beautimous.

Yesterday I went over to her house, so she could give me some pointers on beautimous scarvery. I think I just made up a word. Scarve-ery. Scarf-ery? What do you think?   Beautimous is not my word. I stole that from Mrs. Schmenkman.

Speaking of Mrs. Schmenkman, she was in a car accident yesterday ! A head on collision on one of those twisty-turning Virginia roads. A gal came careening around a curve, all out of control, and smashed into Schmenky. Schmenk is fine, sore and dinged, but thank the Lord, she is fine. She actually said she was glad the gal and her baby hit her car, because there was nothing but a really bad ditch beyond her, and they would have been airborne. She is gracious like that, just one of the many reasons I love her.

Back to the scarve-ery/scarf-ery. Capri Deb says this scarf is a great way to use up “dibs and dabs” of leftover yarn. I didn’t think I had any leftover yarn. I was surprised to discover that I did ! I also bought a few for WOW factor. When Deb especially liked a yarn, she  would say  ” that’s delicious!”. I think I am going to steal that line as well.

We put 3 yarns in a bag, 1 plain, 1 textured and 1 fun, and measured off 17 lengths, and started rolling it into what will become the biggest ball of yarn you have probably ever seen. OK, the biggest I have ever seen. Cut one more length and set aside for fringe. Very important. Also very important, don’t let it hang off the counter too much so your bottom catches it and they all fall on the floor.

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I think we did that 10 times, I could be wrong. I think I wrote it down. That ball of yarn was a cougar sized plaything. You then cast on 100-125 stitches onto size 17 circular knitting needles. Why isn’t that kneedles ?

Then you knit, knit, knit. I knitted, loosely, through “House” and partially through “24″. Only partially through “24″, because that Jack Bauer? He requires some undivided attention at times.

I can easily knit through “American Idol” and “Biggest Loser” tonight. I could be finished before I know it! Or not!

And GUESS WHAT??? Capri Deb and Capri Patt scored me some chai in Florida! Thank you Girls!!! Four bottles of liquid gold in the pantry. Life is Good.

I had a cup this morning, it was delicious!

6 Comments

This and That

November 15, 2008 at 3:26 PM (Confessions, Family Life, Friends, Honey, In's and Ism's, Our Boy, The Ab-Cat, Whatever)

I only have fragments of thoughts running around in my brain this morning. Probably because I was up late. Here are a few, in no order at all.

 The Ab-Cat went to the show to see James Bond with her friends, Lauren and Autumn. And they all came back for a chat after with The Boy and I after. I love those kids. All of them.

The Boy was lounging on the couch, icing and elevating his impressively large  calf. He had worked earlier in the evening and it was killing  him. He even measured it again to find it was 2 centimeters larger than it had been. BUT, I must tell you that he had not taken any Tylenol, you know the wonder drug? When he measured it again a short time later, it was a much happier 3 centimeters smaller.

I told you I would post a picture of my new hairdo. It is a lot shorter, and I am happy about that. Unfortunately, it has been raining ever since I had it cut. Which is not helpful when you straighten your hair.

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I believe that I have mentioned in the past that I have had some strange things sent my way from our friendly neighborhood search engine. They do not ever fail to amuse me. A recent selection are:

Search Views
funny cats 2 More stats
capri k no whinning 2 More stats
“stinky dog” 1 More stats
cat whining and picking all night 1 More stats
ripped jeans no panties

and yesterday, was my favorite:

Search Views
poop filled twinkies 1

 

And all this time, I thought Honey had made that little “in” up! At least I HOPE that is what they were looking for, because otherwise, EWWW.

 I have to tell you something. I pulled a muscle in my calf. And if you were thinking that it is just sympathy pains for The Boy, you would be wrong. Because I know exactly how I did it. It happened during my elaborate imitation , for Capri Deb, of how The Boy is walking these days.

5 Comments

Snippets From Sassy Cat Hill

October 25, 2008 at 4:16 PM (Friends, Honey, In's and Ism's, The Ab-Cat, Trips)

Just a few words on the Capri Weekend Extravaganza. IT WAS FUN !!!!!

Surprisingly,  I did not buy much. I know,  I can’t believe it either.  And we even had my BIG, high top, party van to carry the goods home in. I think Capri Deb was the winner. Because she did some Christmas shopping. Good thinking.

The only things I bought for myself were some new black casual shoes, that my family would give me endless grief about if they knew, cause apparently  I have many  pairs of black shoes. Whatever.

Oh, and I bought another  option in my neverending quest for a pair great fitting, long enough, trouser jeans without funky side pockets. I now have a total of four. I’m going to have a fashion show for Honey, so he can tell me if they make my hind quarters look big. Because he actually looks at my hindquarters.

The other things I bought were twinkies for the family. It occurs to me that you may not know what “twinkies” are, so I will so thoughtfully share.

 They are not  the snack cake that I found so delicious in my much  younger years, that I think are revolting chemical tubes now. Honey explained to me MANY years ago that they are a diversion.  A little bribe, if you will. Designed to make the receiver sufficiently satisfied with their own little treat, so as to not notice the multitude of things that you bought for YOURSELF. I believe he called it the “poop-filled twinkie”.  Just a little fun fact to WOW your friends with.

The Ab-Cat was the prime recipient of twinkies this year. She received a Bubba Gump Shrimp Company hoodie (we are fans of the Gump), a “Life is Good” chilly dog shirt and some darling red flannel sleep pants with dogs on them. They said woof all over too. Just adorable!

 I just went in to get them so I could take a picture. She was in bed. She growled  asked me so sweetly  WHAT was I doing?  I didn’t realize that she had the last two items of clothing on, and can you believe she wouldn’t let me take her picture????  I believe her words were “GET OUT”, just like that Exorcist girl.

I gave Mousey some long sleeved T’s that she wanted from Target, and my Guys got long underwear. Sure to inspire warm fuzzy thoughts when the temperature drops this winter. Right now? Not so much. Honey also rec’d a pair of “Life is Good” sleep pants with a golfer on them. SO cute.

The other things that I bought were things for the house. And I want you to know RIGHT now, they are not in MY category. That doesn’t count as a twinkie for ME ! The house has it’s own category. Glad we got that cleared up.

I am hoping this is a solution for a problem. We have a pile  problem at the end of the island. I am going to take a stab here and suggest that you might also be aware of this type of problem. In a perfect world, everything would be in it’s place. Unfortunately, I do not live in that world. And being the realist that I am, I am trying to embrace the pile. As long as it does not overflow the cute new solution.

I LOVE this plate. I’m sure it will find a home somewhere.

The other thing I bought was a nifty picture frame.

The other two were given to me by Mrs. Schmenkman, cause she decided not to use them. I would like to put professional pictures of our beloved children in the three holes. And make a collage of their antics with the other two to put in our bedroom, cause I have heard it is in poor taste  to BOMBARD your company with too many family photos. It was at this point I had to endure some harsh  ribbing from Capri Patt about some other  picture frames that have been hung for a year. Or so.

She took issue with the one on the bottom. In the center. Only SHE said I had been displaying other people in my home. They are CLEARLY blank. Which is probably worse.

What IS it about taking a picture that brings the animals out? Those frames have been sitting there for 4 days.  FOUR DAYS.  And they had not shown one bit of interest. You would think I had rubbed freshly caught fish all over them.

This next shot was a present from Mr. C, Mrs. Schmenkman’s husband.

 He has a rockin’ new job, and this is what they make! He gave each of us Capri’s a twinkie (YES, he actually used that word!) for our husbands!!! Isn’t he a big ole Hunk of Honey??!! He told us many things  about these major, super duper, cool cases, but all I can remember is that they are waterproof. I’m sure Honey will find a good use for it, thanks Mr. C !  Don’t they look 007-ish?

So there you have my purchases. Not a haul, but not a flop by any means.

There is one more post to share before I wrap up the The Capri Weekend Extravaganza’08. I know you are shivering in an-tis-ah- (say it, say it) pation!  A little ism from the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” for the 99% of you that I know read the blog and would have NO IDEA what that was all about.

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Officially Time for “The Office”

September 26, 2008 at 8:14 AM (Family Life, In's and Ism's, Television)

This was a mighty big night around here. It was the season premier of “The Office”. And if I haven’t mentioned it before, WE ARE FANS!!!!!!!

All throughout the summer, different family members at different times have been caught up in season 1 through 3 marathons. The Boy has caught all three seasons. Plus commentary , deleted scenes, and gag reels. Can I just say that he loves “The Office” ?

He wore his Dunder Mifflin Paper Company hat to school today.

We all have our favorite characters and can quote our favorite scenes by heart. I could have a month of Sundays worth of “In’s and Ism’s” totally devoted  to the dialog and not run out of ideas.

Yes, it’s just that good.

Tonight’s line was so easy, Jim proposed to Pam !!!!!! Best line ever!

“I just can’t wait, Pam, will you marry me?”    Awwwwwwwwwwww! We heart Jim and Pam!

2 Comments

Ins And Isms #3, Things We Learned From “That Thing You Do!”

September 16, 2008 at 4:43 PM (Family Life, In's and Ism's, Our Boy)

 One of our all time favorite movies is “That Thing You Do!”. We highly recommend it. Give it a whirl, I dare you not to LOVE it!

 We have gleaned a whole barrel  of ins and isms from it. It is amazing how often we can weave, or maneuver them into a conversation!

1.You’ve gotta be quick with me, I’m from Erie, Pa. Said when you realize you have finally caught on to what was being said! OR if someone realizes that you DID catch onto something quickly. Dual usage!

2.Your talkin’ gibberish! another phrase for, you are kidding me!

3.It is very important that you don’t stink tonight.   Hey I make no guarantees.    I personally said this to The Boy EVERY morning when I dropped him off at summer school. And he made no guarantees.  But he did get 2 B’s on his report card, WOO HOO!!!!

4.Breath, Good? Bad?  self explanatory

5.How did we get here? I led you here, because I. am. Spartacus.  I believe The Boy uses this to toot his own horn.

6.We’re not The Wonder’s, were Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters!   believe it or not, we get this into conversations! I guess we would accuse someone of being something and be corrected by this statement!

7.You ARE my biggest fan. Whenever WE are impressed with someone else!

8.Guys, Chad fell down.  The Boy actually recreated this scene as his MySpace picture. Except he did NOT break his arm. Clever, I know. We use it whenever someone does something clumsy.

9.Look at you, you’re no good to me now. said lovingly to someone who is impressively excited.

10.We were pretty wild up there in Erie Pa.  Yeah, there was this one time we stayed up way past midnight.  used when teasing someone who thinks they are “all that”

11. I like Wisconsin!   When things are going swell!

12. Lenny, go visit the Captain, tell him it’s your birthday. used whenever someone is being annoying.

Not only do we use these sayings on a regular basis, we are not ashamed to say that we own the sound track. And we do a “wicked” version of “Hold My Hand, Hold My Heart” by The Chantrellines, including choreographed motions and and hand claps!

Oh, Guy’s, if you haven’t seen this one, you have GOT to rent it. It’s a classic “major motion picture!”

5 Comments

There is Sauce in The Freezer With Some In’s and Ism’s # 2

April 7, 2008 at 6:01 AM (Family Life, In's and Ism's)

I think I had mentioned that we have been out of Honeys’ yummy spaghetti sauce since summer. And then we got the new freezer and there was the possibility  of new sauce. When we had time, of course. I made the time. Cause I have had a hankering ( a taste for, a craving. This sounds particularly amusing coming out of a child’s mouth ) for some spaghetti for some time now. And sauce is a good thing to fall back on when I have forgotten to take meat out of the freezer for dinner, or just for those days when dinnertime is just there, and you have no idea where the day got to. Cause that happens a lot. As I have said before, I’m not much of a planner. It’s a go- to meal.  And Honey has really refined and perfected his recipe over the years. And it’s so tasty too !! ( I Love Lucy-Vita-meata-vegamin)

Honey and I were having a conversation after he woke up yesterday afternoon. I was telling him of my sauce related plans and other things. The discussion took a turn somewhere and it was something about a lot of food. And it was all gone. And Honey put his hands up in the air and yelled ” Marabunta” except it sounded like “maada boonta”. I guess I have heard him say this before, but I had no idea what it meant. So I asked, and evidently it was a movie he saw called “Naked Jungle” with Charlton Heston (who I am sorry to say died today) and there was a colony of killer ants from South America that just devoured EVERYTHING in their path and left a pile of bones. Like piranhas. Or children. Just like the stinking grasshoppers in one of the Little House on the Prairie  books. And this is what the villagers screamed when they were coming. A warning! Well, I had a good laugh about that one and now that I an clear  on the definition, I will surely use it. Unless I forget about it. Which I am sorry to say has happened before.

Guess what we had for dinner last night? You would be correct in guessing spaghetti! And it was scrumtrulescent !!!!!!! Which is a little word we picked up from Saturday Night Live.  It was a skit that involved Will Ferrell playing the fellow from “Inside The Actors Studio”.  James Lipton is his name I believe. And he was singing the praises of Charles Nelson Reilly ( who I only remember from Match Game, did he ever do anything else?) and because of his absolute wonderful-ness , he had to create a new word to describe him. High praise indeed for a Match Game regular!  It was an especially funny skit and it gave us a a new describer word. SNL is really just a fountain of useless information for us.  Which is a phrase I generally use to describe myself. It is my gift.

 All ready for the freezer. It is less than usual because we didn’t have the amount of meat we need to make the 2 pots. So this is just the big one. This morning when we got to church, Honey asked me if I had tasted the sauce. Cause we cooked it more after we had dinner. I said I hadn’t. It wasn’t that appealing to me at 7 a.m.  He said it was awesome. And then he reminded me that this was the first time I had made it all by myself !!  And it was  good! Then he guessed that I didn’t need him any more. He would be so  wrong about that! Cause he is a big old Honey Bear.

3 Comments

Ins and ‘Isms # 1

March 3, 2008 at 7:02 AM (Family Life, Idioms, In's and Ism's, Whatever)

Now I know you have all been waiting on the edge of your seats for this post since I mentioned it several posts ago. You remember, the one about chickens making bad house pets? Oh, you were hoping I was going to forget about that? Well, you were wrong and here, my Friends, is just the tip of that iceberg.

One Sunday when we were first dating, Honey joined me and my Homegirls (Suzie and Dawn, who I’m sure will at some point make a post) at church. Now we grew up in a BIG ole Southern Baptist church. And considering how far North we live, it may have been unusual to hear all those Southern people talkin’. But the Homegirls and I all have a rich heritage in the southland. I am certain all of our grandparents were from “down yonder” (ism # 1, can also be over yonder, up yonder, ect.). The Pastor at this time was a long tall drink of water , who I believe came from Texas, named A.V. Henderson. He made the comment that it was very hot outside and he was “as dry as a bugs hull” (ism # 2). Now Honey  leaned over to me at this point and said, “What did he say???” Honey is from even further north than we are, CANADA, and when I explained, he thought it was hilarious. To this day, when he is thirsty, that is what he says.

 Another Honey- ism is when he is hungry, he says (ism # 3) “I need a jelly roll” , and you have to say it with an Elvis accent. We were listening to Rick Dees Top (insert number here, I don’t actually remember) Countdown one Sunday getting ready for church. It must have been 20 years ago, cause it was when we lived in Redford. And he (Rick Dees, not Honey) was doing this funny skit about Elvis and how he ate some pretty weird things, and evidently ate ALL the time. I can’t recall one other thing about it, except the previously mentioned line, but it has  been a well used  line over the years.

Which brings us to ism #4, that I actually stole from Mrs. Schmenkman. Since she is a Northerner, transplanted  in the South, and her people are not actually from down yonder , she hears things that are funny to her. And when she is getting hungry, she says she is getting “peckish“. Now I had heard this expression, but had never incorporated it into my vocabulary until I heard her use it . For some reason, in the 21st century, this word strikes me as funny!

And lastly, before the addition of the  previous ism peckish , my favorite way of expressing hunger was the old tried and true ” I could eat a bear without salt” (ism # 5). Which is obviously  WAY beyond peckish anyway. So it is still used.

And that is all I’ve got to say about that-Forrest Gump.

1 Comment

Cause Chickens Make Baaaad House Pets

February 13, 2008 at 8:56 AM (Family Life, In's and Ism's)

Was catching up with Mrs. Schmenkman on the webcam the other morning, and at some point we were discussing our blogs. Cause I don’t think we have ever had a conversation where we didn’t. And we were laughing , like we always do, over some funny line we have heard on t.v. or from a movie, or that a member of my family said, or hers.  The title of this post is a perfect example of this.  This is a line that Honey and I have said for years, and we so graciously passed it over to Schmenky, and I have no idea where it came from. Probably Saturday Night Live. But it must be a good expression , cause we use it. A lot.

Now this is a very common line of conversation at our house. We say things regularly that we don’t always remember where we heard them. Some things are from WAY back in my childhood, either things we made up or cause our people are from the South, and that could be a whole other can of worms. Of course, my memory being what it is, those are fading fast. I don’t always remember which of my children said what hilariously funny thing. I hope I wrote it down in their baby book or else it’s gone forever. So between that and the latest media we have seen, we have a lot of “ins” or “ism-s”. And people probably think we are crazy.

  Here is a good example of how something makes it into our family’s vocabulary. While watching  an episode of “House” , one  patient had the symptom of repeating herself. She said ” I got the cute Dr.” several times.  Now, as my children could tell you , I repeat myself. A lot. Now whether it is poor listening skills on my part, or I just don’t care enough to listen well , I cannot say, but they tell me that I constantly ask them the same questions over and over. Even after they have answered me. So now when this happens they simply say “I got the cute Dr.” and it is a subtle cue to me that I need to try and remember what they have told me already. I have even started using this in conversation with Honey, as he is getting a little repetitive himself. Of course other folk, not being aware of the process, would just not get it.

I have just realized that this topic could be a goldmine of posts for me, so maybe I will just tell you about some of them from time to time. I know you are all waiting on the edge of your seats for those  posts.

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