Real Life

2013 will not go into the books as one of my favorite years. I’m not going to lie, it’s been a bear.

This year has contained many hurts and disappointments, emotional turmoil, health issues. Walking alongside loved ones as they wade through deep waters, sharing heartache as we struggle to regain footing. Knowing things once solid might be irreparably broken. And anger, which is rarely a problem for me, has visited far too often.

Most years seem to have an equitable division of highs and lows. Enough happy to offset the sad, enough sweetness to temper the bitter. And then there are the other years. Years you can’t catch a break. Years when it just keeps coming. I know we have all had those. I guess they are unavoidable. I still think that God uses hardship to pry our hands off this fallen world. Often peeling one finger off at a time. It’s painful, a constant reminder that this world is not our home.

October 7 is not my favorite day of the year. It has been 18 years since our life was turned upside down. I did not anticipate that I would still struggle with the day, all these years later. So here I am, on my not favorite day in a not favorite year, in a not favorite frame of mind. A perfect trifecta.

Most of you know the story, so I won’t rehash it today. For those who don’t and are interested, you can read thoughts from previous years.

I Named it Mark , Way Back When-sday-1995 , Unfairness Abounds , Potent Quotables for another October 7.

It’s hard to not try and give God advice. I hope you know that I am kidding, but as with all kidding, there is a kernel of truth. I don’t think I know more than God, or better than God, but I often wonder about his timing. I find myself asking things like how long? Why in that order? Why so long and sometimes, why so fast? I know the God of the universe does not owe me any explanation for these wonderings, but on occasion He has been gracious enough to answer my heartfelt questions. On a great many more, He has remained silent. Time has had a way of softening their urgency. I have learned to live with not knowing and consider them gate questions. One day, I will know.

As I reread this, it feels depressing. I don’t say any of this to elicit sympathy, that is not the intention. Life is what it is, we all have our own custom made crosses to bear. This blog is the only journal I have ever had. I write it to record our lives, to remember the everyday stuff that tends to be forgotten. A snapshot of how it is, what is real and true. Right now, on this day, this is how it is. It’s what is real and true.

I am thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22,23

“Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. Jeremiah 32:17

This is what I need to remember today. Really, everyday.

I should cross stitch it on a pillow. In my spare time. Spare time eked out of my grueling schedule of emotional turmoil. I think that’s funny. See? New mercies.

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6 Comments

  1. deb said,

    October 7, 2013 at 11:27 AM

    Sending you a hug….thank you for sharing your “real life”. I’m praying for less turmoil.

  2. Laurie said,

    October 7, 2013 at 12:17 PM

    Getting those thoughts written down probably helped a lot. A prayer that the rest of the year and those ahead are less overwhelming.
    “Life is what it is” — so true.

  3. 3goodkids said,

    October 7, 2013 at 3:44 PM

    Thinking of you today. I remember getting the news so well. Praying for you.

  4. CapriP said,

    October 8, 2013 at 5:24 AM

    I too remember getting the news. Such a long road this has been for your family! Watching how you all you live your lives has enriched mine immensely! Love the Nuthatch family!

  5. caprilis said,

    October 8, 2013 at 8:29 AM

    I swore I replied to this yesterday… just sending you big huge hugs!

  6. warrenp94 said,

    October 8, 2013 at 12:55 PM

    Real life happens…thanks for sharing ups and downs…


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